My Third Space is Lost in The Past

*Inspired by mab*oos’s post*

I miss those days.. it was after my dad finishes his work and come pick me up from mine to go to down town.. every Thursday.. we used to go down there and walk, discover new things, buy veggie’s and fruits, talk about different things and try new stuff there.. every time was different and adventurous.. some streets were filthy and some trash containers were full and have more trash around.. I remember Al-Shapsough sandwiches.. they were awesomely big enough and yet so damn good! I miss the same faces i used to see at the veggie’s market.. and the same old man selling soup while walking around the market. one time i felt he recognized me, he started to smile whenever he sees me.. suddenly disappeared.. I dont know where you are now 3amo but I hope you’re fine. God bless you.

The smell there was different, the air was different.. and people were different.. everyone tells a story with his walk and eyes.. everyone carries a weight on his shoulder while the sun is equally above all.. I enjoy watching them and make up the stories of each.. I enjoy telling their minds to mine without letting them know.. this is the same reason why, from time to time, I chose to get the public transportation like buses. you feel like you’re with a temporary family.. sharing the same destiny and the same room.. sharing the same worries and might be not at all.. but still something is different. something is cozier than driving my car alone.. cozier than letting a friend drive me home.. for some reason and i’m not sure why..

Makes me think of my childhood, or part or it. when I was not at the swimming or music classes or not at the summer camp or not playing Karate or not at circassian dancing lessons.. or not playing on my Sakher computer or visiting parks which all my mom choose for us and made us happy. That was the time i spend at my grandma’s home.. it was a big home with a huge backyard! i mean really huge and all green.. different kind of trees,, tall and old.. and a big swing somewhere.. in the middle of that green field there is a sitting among the trees and a fish aquarium. It’s still in my head. that wasnt in Abdoun or West Amman.. that was Ashrafyeh.. I’d give whatever it takes to go back there one day and spend a day of my far gone childhood! Wake up in the morning to have a decent breakfast -not a sandwich on the way- with a cup of tea, at her house was the only place we were allowed to drink tea.. then go to my uncle’s house to get our cousin up and start our adventures. sometimes other cousins used to sleep there as well. so it would be like a kids gathering. there were old destroyed house in the neighborhood, actually there were couple of them.. one that have no roof, another with doors closed, another one that was a big trash container and too dark! for us as kids, this was one of our adventures, invading those houses and check them out while bigger cousins behind us telling us stories about Jinn but nothing would hold us back,, these were just spices to us!
Our usual next adventure was to wander around.. first, go to “Dokannet el sheikh” to get chips, ice cream and gum. his dokkaneh was at the end of a long 200 stairs! going up the stairs, we meet the people who have their houses doors open to those wide stairs. they all knew us.. “wlad um m7ammad el sharkas” it was making us proud and confident. for they know who we are and it was like we were proud of our grandma.. she was the world to us.. she was our childhood and freedom! she let us do anything we wanted and defended us when we were wrong. so after the ice cream from the small fridge that old man has, we continue up to “Abu darweesh mosque” area, passing through small paths and streets to reach the wide crowded streets.. we used to walk like the world has no end.. and we always find our way back home.. checking stores and people.. being asked weird questions and have different situations every time. the idea of walking new streets everyday was exciting! the idea of trying new things and breaking some rules was what we kids needed.

Going back to grandma’s home for the lunch time.. she used to cook us what we want and the way we like it.. all her food was tasty and great. after finishing our food, we used to go to the backyard and climb the trees to eat different kinds of fruits. I still know how they taste like.. i can see myself and cousins climbing and running around, yelling at each others and laughing together.. then ride that big swing all together and talk for couple of hours.. until its time for afternoon’s tea.. my grandma’s tea time. it had never changed.. everyday at the exact time and place. we all gather, my three uncles and their families. they all used to live there close to each others except my dad’s family (mine) we used to live way far from there. which added an excitement to our visits there. I miss there, i miss every little thing. Miss you grandma, miss you backyard, miss you swing, miss you old houses, miss you stairs, miss you dokanneh, miss you mysterious streets, miss you all and miss the child i was..

I can’t imagine how it would be like if we all gathered again there and had one day with grandma (RIP), with all cousins, uncles, aunties, and fun! with all of them talk at the same time and I step away watching them and try to know who’s talking with who and who’s listening to who.. big family and love.. childhood and freedom.. adventures and innocence.. were all gone but hidden in a place in my heart.. that will never grow old..

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